[memory] grandma's song

I remember being at my grandmother's house when I was a child. I once played in a room where weeds and firewood were stored. It was connected to the old black pig in the pigsty, and the door behind it also led to the mountain behind it.As I recall this, my head fills me with the other timescale Grandma was busy cooking in the kitchen.

It is often said that seeing things and thinking about people, homesickness and lovesickness, when I suddenly recalled that room tonight, I began to feel uneasy.I suddenly realized that I haven't spent a lot of time mourning my grandma. My memory is empty, but I can remember it.Now I remember this moment, but then in the middle of the night I can't sleep anymore and start crying.

I didn't cry for my grandma as many times as I can count on one hand.Before my grandmother died, she was bedridden with cancer, and our children and grandchildren visited her.One day, a few weeks later, Jinguang did a lot of things in good spirits, and passed away the next day.In my grandmother's mourning hall, I saw that my father had grown old and haggard, but I never cried in my grandmother's mourning hall, but was silent with my sister outside the mourning hall.In the following days, every time I thought of my grandmother, I burst into tears and couldn't help myself, this time even more.

After so many years of my grandmother's death, I think she's been so few.I don't understand why I'm so slow. People may think that I didn't have too much sentimentality at the time, but I didn't even think that in the following years, my mind wandered back to the house where my grandmother lived in my hometown.I was obsessed with getting out of the place where my grandmother was alive.

In the long years, I realized some sad truths. I can no longer see her old man, can no longer hear her old man call my name, and can no longer eat her food.

Memories hit like a flood and beast.I remember when I was a child, I went to my grandmother’s house for two hours to spend the winter and summer vacations dressed up for the New Year; I remembered eating corn at my grandmother’s house in summer; I remembered watching the stars in the shade on the balcony of my grandmother’s house; I remembered my grandma’s kitchen was moved to laterGoing downstairs; I think of grandma doing farm work in the field; I think of the green vegetables and big pond in front of grandma's house; I think of bathing at grandma's house; I think of grandma's bed and room, every room hasGrandma's story.I remembered the mountain in front of my grandma's house.I am reminded of the construction of that highway.I think of my grandma's other old house.Reminds me of my grandmother's dying weakness.Reminds me of my grandmother's mourning hall.Reminds me of my grandmother's grave.

My memory seems to have been sealed before, but now all of a sudden it's released.What saddens me even more is that these are only memories, and they are still so long ago, so vague and unpleasant memories.

It hurts to be trapped in memory.This kind of unbearable thing makes a headache.

The years are ruthless, and I am so busy that I lose the right to recall. Occasionally, I am conscious of my memories without the guidance of knowledge and love, and I can only shed tears.I can't accept the pain brought by my grandma's death, I can't understand time and life and death, I'm a layman.

Thinking at a certain age, maybe it was busy studying, playing, and working before. Now that I am old, things and problems that I have never thought about have come before me.I believe in Taoism and destiny even more, as if everything had already been arranged.

The memories in my head and the grave on the mountain are the few things my grandma left in this world.The children and grandchildren and the grave are silent, only tears.In this trance life, people finally return to dust. Grandma hopes that we will be happy and healthy in another world. In this world, I guard the quiet ashes of grandma and hope that she will not miss her and go well.I think she and I both know it's just a beautiful fantasy, but it's also the reality that most wants to be real.

I hope that when I die in the future, my brain will allow me to travel through my memory, not so blurry and so fast, so that I can look at those people and things again, listen to my grandma's voice again, let meI leave the stage smiling in these ballads.

2022-07-10 02:00:00