Can you still have a wonderful life if you are laid off at the age of 35?

We will inevitably encounter some unexpected changes , Someone has just stepped into 35 I was employed by the company at the age of “ Optimize ”, Although some people are longing for big cities, they are forced to flee Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou under the pressure of life , Some people find that they have to change their jobs because of family changes …… These changes may make you feel ashamed 、 anger 、 Depressed or helpless . Several scholars from Canada , Just study people who are in turmoil , Hope to find a quick way out of the psychological dilemma , And they found that “ Self identity ” Is the key to getting rid of difficulties .

Many people like to study how the external society changes , And we spent ten years , Study the impact of personal identity changes on people . We have conducted hundreds of interviews with people in turmoil , They may have been white-collar workers , But now they are forced to work full-time for jobs with lower social status , And trying to get rid of the stigmatized identity , For example, those who have a record but are actively reintegrating into society .

actually , No matter what form these changes in life take , Many respondents believe that the hardest part of getting out of the dilemma is how to get rid of the past self 、 Accept a new identity . We call this state “ Identity paralysis （identity paralysis）”, It's like a symptom , Make people angry 、 depressed 、 Hopeless , The reason is , It is people who have lost their self-identity to their new identity .

Want to get out of trouble , People need to learn to accept these changes , Actively accept your new role . We also summarize five strategies from the research , It can help you get out quickly “ Identity paralysis ”：

Say goodbye to the past

Facing the change of identity , Many people are difficult to cross that barrier in their hearts . In the interview , Many interviewees described the process of saying goodbye to the past , And there is often a key event , For example, my birthday , Or the birth of a child . One respondent said , Two days after being hospitalized for some reason , He decided to take the moment he woke up as the starting point of his rebirth .

Similar landmark events , Help people change their old habits , Welcome a new life . therefore , When you try to accept a new identity , Try to find such a farewell moment .

Build a story that connects the past and the present

Of course , Say goodbye to the past , Will not let the past disappear , The new identity must also be connected with the previous identity , Can be fixed . Use persuasive 、 Stories that are authentic and easy to share with others , Connect the present with the past , It will make it easier for you to accept your new self .

such as , An immigrant we interviewed , He was forced to abandon his career as a civil engineer , Come to a new country and become a taxi driver . He will describe the story of sacrificing his status for the future of his children . And some people who try to get rid of their stigmatized identity , They often tell stories about the dark past that led them to the light .

We found that , Compared to people who don't build stories , Someone who can tell a widely accepted story , Can better accept change , Express more positive feelings about the status quo .

Get rid of negative emotions

Even if you rationally decide to move forward , Emotionally, I will miss the past . Our identity is shaped by our own feelings about identity , So to complete the conversion , You must acknowledge your emotions and take the initiative to deal with them . One interviewee said ：“ Only accept yourself and what you have done , Forgive yourself , To break the cycle . If you don't forgive yourself , You can't move forward . A lot of people don't know , So I have been living in guilt and shame .”

We found in the interview that , Realize that you are pulled by past emotions 、 People who take the initiative to deal with this feeling can most smoothly accept the new identity . There are many strategies that can help you change negative emotions , But what we found was that , The most effective way is to intentionally activate the opposite positive emotions . for example , An employee who was forced to change his career due to injury said , Her way out of shame is to focus on the pride of her past achievements . it is to be noted that , Not to drive away negative emotions , Instead, acknowledge these feelings from the bottom of your heart , Then turn your attention to other feelings , Only in this way can we come out .

Focus on meaningful identities outside of work

It's easy for us to feel that work represents our identity , Especially when you just lost a good job , Or when the connection with others is more at the work level , This feeling is particularly strong . however , People will have multiple coexisting identities at the same time . If your current job status makes you uncomfortable , You can focus on other areas of identity , This strategy can effectively help you through the difficult transition period .

for example , A female respondent said , You can be a mother 、 Accompany the children , This matter is very important . Some immigrants we interviewed also said , Instead of focusing on dissatisfaction with your current job , Or the resentment of having to give up the original career , Defining themselves as the breadwinner of a family gives them a new meaning .

Others are more concerned about their role in the community , Such as volunteers or activists . Think of your various identities , Can help you focus on the positive , Realize that you don't just work （ Or past work ） Defined , To move on .

Think about the future in moderation

Imagination has great power . We found in our research that , Someone who can quickly adapt to a new identity , Will imagine their current situation is just a way to the future （ Even if it is not practical ） Stepping stone of . It's amazing that , Even if the imagined future is pure fantasy , Just an abstract future in a daydream , It often lacks realistic basis , This strategy still seems to work .

for instance , One respondent who was forced to change from a network engineer to a taxi driver said ,“ I plan to find a job related to computer in the future . Not now , It may take ten or twenty years , I will definitely do what I like .” He drove a taxi for the third year , There is no specific plan to transfer to the technology industry , But the vague possibility of a better future makes the status quo more pleasant .

Similar to it , Many people like to go shopping only to see but not to buy , Or look at photos of tourist attractions on the Internet , Imagine what you can't have . It sounds a little unreliable , But our research shows that , Just moderate , This method can effectively deal with difficult situations 、 Get rid of the spiritual dilemma .

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