Courage to be hated: Adler's philosophy class: the father of self inspiration

• The first part ： What causes our unhappiness ？
• The second part ： How to have the courage to be hated , Freedom and happiness .
• summary ：

The social development is accelerating , All kinds of information garbage are overflowing 、 The age of poisonous chicken soup , The rapid development of society has far exceeded the physical evolution and ideological progress , Many people feel at a loss at this time , Are you ：

Often feel bored with the tedious work life ？

Always tired of complex interpersonal relationships ？

I think the meaning of life is becoming more and more obscure ？

How can we be in the complex daily trivial and complex interpersonal relationships , Use your own hands to get real happiness ？

The answer to all this lies in this book 《 The courage to be hated 》 in ！

“ The courage to be hated ” It's not about attracting unwanted negative energy , But rather ： If this is my life, I want to shine the most beautiful light , that , Even if it's possible to be hated , I'm going there with my hands and feet .

Adler's thought has the power to change people's life , The rest depends on whether you can summon up one step “ Courage ”

Core content

• The first part ： What causes our unhappiness ？

• The second part ： How to have “ The courage to be hated ”, Find that freedom 、 A state of happiness ？

   We are in an age of rapid change , Knowledge iterates , The competition is intensifying , The pressure of life is also increasing . It is difficult for the three small balls of work and family to be tossed harmoniously in their hands , To attend to one thing and lose the other is to cope with . Do you often feel not free , I think I am locked in the shackles of life , I can't help but run away

   for instance , If you are a project manager of Party B , Do you often encounter unreasonable demand changes of Party A , This is harmful to the project itself and the overall interests of the company . At this time, most novices or project managers with weak aura , You may passively accept unreasonable changes because you can't open your mouth and refuse , You are in a dilemma , Finally, the project cost and the overall controllability of the project will be affected . Or as a product manager , After doing a lot of User Research , There is a need for development , Maybe this function is difficult for the development team to complete after many shifts . So they began to treat you carelessly , You may even say that you are making blind demands , Even if you make this function, it won't work , In the end, it's not a waste of time . At this time, you will choose to trust your own judgment , Or because of fear of being diss Being hated to give up this function ？ It's not uncommon to face being hated like this in work and life . This reminds me of a strange flower who said that the boss didn't like me , Shall I resign . At that time, Yang naive's incisive answer made people applaud . He said that there needs to be a scum mentality in the workplace , because The workplace is not an idol drama , No domineering president loves you . With a scum man mentality , You can lift as light as a feather in your work , Go all the way to become the most popular person in the team . Yes, of course , It doesn't mean that you should be a bad person , It's the possibility that you want to keep yourself , Have the courage to be hated .    I heard that Yang Zhenzhen was from the boss's point of view , When debating this question from a sharp point of view , Many netizens said that they had worked for decades before they realized , Be a man , A little bit less , Happiness can be a little more , This is also the courage to be hated . Want to tell us the so-called freedom , Dare to be hated . This sentence seems a bit against common sense . But don't get me wrong , Adler doesn't make you a hated person , But rather A man must have the courage to be himself , Get rid of other people's expectations and eyes , Even if they are hated by others for this reason, they are not afraid .    After reading this book , I have a strong feeling , It is suitable for us to reread Adler's thoughts in this era . Because in this era, whether it is technology or thought , Update iterations are too fast , Many people are bound by so-called pressure or achievements , Think you are unhappy . And Adler will tell you , Your success and happiness have nothing to do with anyone else , Everything is up to you . As we often say , Breaking eggs from the outside is food , Breaking from the inside is growing . Adler's ideas will help you build a happiness system from within , Let you have the courage to live a happy life in this era of rapid development .

“

The author of this book is two Japanese , One is the philosopher Ichiro kishikan , The other is writer Guhe Shijian , Kishihiro liked philosophy when he was in high school , Later she began to specialize in Adler psychology , I wrote Adler's introduction to psychology 、 The courage of happiness and many other works . Guhe Shijian is a freelance writer , Good at creating dialogue works , In nearly 30 I met Adler psychology at the age of , For many years after that, I often asked ashkenichiro for Adler's psychology , Is it very profound to hear about philosophy ？ Actually , This book takes the form of a discussion of topics , It feels like an Analects , Talk to philosophers with youth 、 answer 、 The debate unfolds Adler's philosophy step by step . Even readers without any psychological foundation can open it and read it directly , There will be no obstacles .

   Next, I will briefly introduce the essence of this book from two aspects . One 、 Is what causes our unhappiness ？ Two 、 How to have the courage to be hated , Find the state of freedom and happiness . First, let's move on to the first part ,

The first part ： What causes our unhappiness ？

Who caused our misfortune ？ What is the root cause of these troubles ？ Adler thinks , All our troubles come from relationships , It is not past experience that determines our current situation , It's the meaning we give to the experience . In other words, all your current situations are your own choices . After listening to this explanation , Do you feel confused ？ Are our misfortunes all caused by ourselves ？ Before I answer that question , We need to talk about one of Adler's core ideas first , That is, you can make your own choices . say concretely , Your life is not given by others , It's your choice . Your choice has nothing to do with anyone else , It has nothing to do with what happened in the past . This is the fundamental difference between Adler and Freud . for instance , In this book , The author mentioned a young man , Let's call him Xiao Leng . Xiao Leng has hid in his room , I haven't been out for many years . Although he wants to change himself , Imagine going out to live and work like normal people , But he was afraid to leave the room , When I go out, my hands and feet tremble , Under the weather . Xiao Leng also said he wanted to change , But it just can't change . To hear that , I guess your first reaction may be how this person is so unfortunate , Who caused this ？ Have you suffered psychological trauma before , For example, it may be caused by family reasons or being bullied at school . But Adler doesn't think so . Adler said , If you blindly rely on past reasons to explain things , Will fall into an absolute conclusion . Our present and even future are all determined by our past experience , And it can't change at all . This view is called cause theory . Contrary to the theory of cause , Adler advocated a teleology . Teleology holds that this person can't go out , It is not caused by past experience , But because he doesn't want to go out . How to say that , Would you , Xiao Leng doesn't go out for a long time , People around him must care more about him , Try every means to help him . But if you're a normal person , He doesn't have a chance to get such attention . Of course , Maybe it's because she really doesn't want to go out at all . In a word, Xiao Leng can't go out , It was because he had the purpose of not going out , Then you create the anxiety and other symptoms that you will have when you go out . These emotions and symptoms are not pretend , It's how his body reacts to fit his purpose . This is the teleology of Adler's psychology .

   Through this example , A brief review of this core idea of Adler . Adler said , Now you are unfortunate , It is because you have chosen misfortune by yourself . The reason you can't change , It's because I have made up my mind not to change . To put it bluntly , In fact, they lack the courage to change . From this point of view , Adler's psychology is also a correct way of psychology about courage . classical 《 Tear down the walls of thought 》, I have talked about , She said that there was a girl with a crack in her teeth , Often teased by male colleagues , He is very upset , I dare not even laugh , I'm afraid of exposing my teeth , He thought it was between his teeth that he became the laughing stock of others . But even if he agrees with the answer , Should male colleagues laugh or laugh , Should I feel inferior or inferior ; In desperation , He found himself asking for help , Classical ideas say ： Next time, male colleagues will laugh at you , You just spit water out of your teeth and spray it on him , The girl did it , Male colleagues have finally converged . In fact, the gap between the teeth is equivalent to a girl's past , When she chose to attribute the workplace troubles to her teeth , Live in the past , So I fell into trouble . But when it focuses on the present , Thinking about how to solve the problem of male colleagues' ridicule will be solved . Speaking of this , We'll see , In the face of difficulties, we should mobilize positive forces and find ways to resolve them , Instead of complaining , Live in sadness or anger . Psychologically , There is a famous Festinger's law , In the life 10% Events are made up of what happens to you , And the other 90% It's how you react to things , That's the same thing .

   The second point is , Interpersonal relationship is the source of all troubles , Maybe you need to ask , Obviously I have all kinds of troubles in my life , For example, the year-end performance was hit two stars , The child fought with his classmates at school yesterday , I have gained ten pounds this year . How can you say that interpersonal relationship is the source of all troubles ？ Don't worry. , Let's start with an extreme imagination , If you are the only one in the world , Do you feel annoyed ？ The answer is No . If there is only one person in the world , All right and wrong 、 Good, evil, beauty and ugliness are up to you to decide , Without comparison , Even the pain 、 Death can not be called any annoyance . So Adler said that all troubles come from interpersonal relationships . Take an example close to life , It is said that Adler's height is only 1 rice 55, He was also depressed here . however 1 rice 55 Is there any objective disadvantage in your height ？ There is no . Again for instance 1 rice 7 My height is medium in the south , It belongs to the relatively short ones in the north . Whether we are tall or short depends on our comparison with the people around us . The same rich and poor 、 The concepts of excellence and mediocrity all come from comparison . Andr é was ashamed of his height , This is the result of the comparison . When there is no disadvantage objectively , Subjectively, there is a sense of inferiority . in other words It is not the objective fact that puzzles our sense of inferiority , But a subjective explanation . Height can be interpreted as a deterrent . Short can also be understood as being full of affinity . The greatest advantage of subjectivity is the freedom to choose , That is to say, the right to choose again is always in our hands . I have read Adler's masterpiece before 《 Inferiority and Transcendence 》, He thinks that Inferiority complex is a power source for human beings to pursue excellence . Inferiority complex makes people feel inadequate all the time , So as to make continuous efforts to make progress . But you might want to say , I have seen many people in my life , They become particularly negative because of their low self-esteem , I didn't do anything , Just decide you can't , It's harder to change them than anything , What's going on here ？ Adler said , This situation should not be called inferiority complex , It should be called inferiority complex . For example, in the workplace , Some people think they have a low education , So they can not be reused by the company . Adler believes that people with this idea actually attribute their lack of reuse to objective reasons , Not for your own reasons . Hype like this , Because there is A So I can't do B The argument of is inferiority complex . And Adler emphasized that this inferiority complex is your own choice . The other extreme of inferiority complex is superior plot . As we often say, conceited people have inferiority complex behind them , Those big talk 、 A person who pretends to be a tiger to show his excellence , Is immersed in a false sense of superiority . Adler thinks , Whether it is inferiority complex or false sense of superiority , It's all because of the competition in interpersonal relationships . And the sound competition should not compete with anyone , It comes from comparing yourself with your ideal , Just keep moving forward . For example, my ideal is to be a product manager , This is the ideal self , But at this stage, my ability is not enough to support me to become a product manager . If I think of my poor communication skills , So I can't be a product manager , I can't accept an incompetent self . That is the inferiority complex is an unsound sense of inferiority . If I think so , Because I have poor communication skills , So I want to learn , To practice , Try to improve your communication skills , Move towards your ideal self , This is a sound sense of inferiority . On this point , You can read my previous article in detail 《 Inferiority and Transcendence 》 The interpretation of this book . So you see, anyone who is in this complex social network , You'll feel annoyed . So Adler said , People's troubles come from interpersonal relationships , Want to get rid of trouble , I'm afraid there is only one person living in the universe .

   Just to summarize . Adler thinks , All troubles come from interpersonal relationships , It is not past experience that determines our current situation , It's the meaning we give to the experience . All your current situations are your own choices . Through the above description , We know what makes us unhappy .

The second part ： How to have the courage to be hated , Freedom and happiness .

   We said that before , In Adler's view , True freedom is the courage to be hated by others . You can think about , If everyone likes you , Then push back , It is you who please everyone , Care about what everyone thinks of you , Then you live in the evaluation of others , So I lost myself , This is certainly not a state of freedom and happiness . And in reality, it is almost impossible for anyone to be liked by everyone . Let's put it another way , If you don't seek approval from others , in other words Even if others hate you , You are not afraid that your heart is still calm . Live as you wish , You will live your own life , That is to say, you have real freedom . So from the point of view that all troubles come from interpersonal relationships , Adler thinks , To be happy , Changes should be made both psychologically and physically .

Psychologically : No longer seek recognition .

   Some people try to fulfill their parents' wishes , Do a job you don't like at all . Some people get married and have children in a hurry because of the urge of their elders , Have to endure bad family relations . Some people also want to be recognized by their leaders and colleagues , Work hard at the expense of your body . Behind these non free choices are the pursuit of recognition , Is to meet the expectations of others to live . Adler psychology firmly denies seeking approval from others . He emphasized that we Finally, I live for myself , You don't have to meet other people's expectations , Others don't have to meet your expectations . If you blindly seek the approval of others , Care about other people's comments , That will eventually live in someone else's life . When you stop seeking approval from others on the psychological level , You also have to do not fear being hated , That is to say no to the things that people don't like . Since we can't get everyone's favor , All you need to do is figure out what kind of life you really want . Then follow the way you want to go firmly .   2004 year , Jingdong multimedia offline founded by liuqiangdong has 12 stores , 80 to 90 million in sales . According to the previous plan , In the future 500 Stores , With Suning 、 Gome as a reference , The future is bright , The business model is clear and has predictable profit margins , But at this time, liuqiangdong decided to stop the offline business that had developed well , Transform to online e-commerce . His idea was opposed by almost all the staff , For a good reason , At that time, the Internet penetration rate was not high , Many people don't have computers , Online orders are unreliable , At that time, online sales accounted for only 5%. How big is the market , No one knows . But liuqiangdong showed his extraordinary courage , He fought against all opinions , Closed the offline stores , Try your best to hold down e-commerce . Later, several key points of JD's development , Strategic planning of self built logistics , The strategy of expanding the whole product line was also unanimously opposed by investors , Because of liuqiangdong's determination, he was able to implement these correct strategies . It can be said that without the courage and persistence of liuqiangdong , There will be no later JD . thus it can be seen , It's not enough to have the right judgment if you want to succeed , It also depends on whether you can stand firm and overcome the public opinion 、 Stick to your point of view , This is valuable . Of all great companies CEO Have a paranoid side , Steve jobs 、 musk 、 Qiang Dong Liu 、 Ren Zhengfei is like this . Facebook Of investors, riminer invested in Zuckerberg 、 Qiang Dong Liu 、 Lei Jun is the founder of companies worth tens of billions of dollars . He said , Of these super unicorns CEO The common characteristic is bigotry , They are by no means secure . Super professionals may be able to manage and lead teams , Understand both products and cultural management . If he is not paranoid 、 Confident and strong , He is not a multibillion dollar company . Andy Grove, legendary president of Intel, said , Only the Paranoid Survive , The same thing . alike , If in the workplace , A person cares too much about what others think , Fear of being hated and criticized , When you do something, you will look forward and backward , Dare not make a breakthrough , Then he will certainly lose the opportunity for progress and development . Novice PM How to realize the magnificent transformation from a technical backbone to a management elite has shared an experience , Hu Liang said that when he first became a project manager , To get team members to support themselves , She dare not assign difficult and hard tasks to her subordinates , I would rather bear it by myself . What's worse, some team members broke the rules , He is also embarrassed to point out and criticize easily , Just want to say something positive 、 Encouraging words , Even those who do not do well in their work dare not be severely criticized . As a result, Party A, who cooperated with a large multinational enterprise, had just sent directly from Japan to China , Extremely difficult to communicate . Because there were many interested parties involved at that time , The members of the project team are also from multiple departments . Mr. Hu thought that as a newly transformed project manager, he had not yet gained a firm foothold , So not very confident , Afraid of being too strict , It makes people hate him , And I'm afraid things can't be done well , Affect project delivery . So many times I work by myself , It's not too strict. The team needs a long time , A series of problems emerged . Team members' negative job burnout 、 To pass the buck , Lack of responsibility , No collaboration , Thus, the product quality is poor 、 Low work efficiency 、 Poor team performance . This result, in turn, exacerbates the deterioration of the internal atmosphere of the team 、 aimlessness 、 Do their own work, etc . In short, it is in a vicious circle . At this time, if the boss wants to find someone to hold accountable , Of course, Hu Liang is the project manager , for instance , I want to tell you , Work and life are your own , Must be responsible for , No matter what others say , It's up to you to bear all the consequences . So we need to be brave to be ourselves , Even being hated and fearless .    As Jobs said , Your time is limited , So don't live for others , Don't be trapped by dogma , Don't live by other people's ideas , Don't let the opinions of others drown out your own inner voice , The most important thing is to pursue your heart and intuition bravely , Only your heart and intuition know what you really think , Everything else is secondary .

Action level

   First of all , You need to choose to change . There are too many people in the world who can't find the courage to change their way of life , Because compared with the pain and uncertainty of change , Keep the status quo , I hope it will be easier and more reassuring . Brother Wang came to see me for dinner some time ago , Half eaten and began to drink , Cry and tell me that I hate my present job . In the past two years, he worked as a middle-level manager in a listed company , Originally, I followed the team , As a result, he was transferred to other projects , Alone in a new circle , The current project is not satisfactory , Several leaders have been changed , Performance did not improve during the epidemic , I worked overtime for a month , At the end of the month, it was still because the performance was not completed , Detained 2000 More dollars . Many of the employees at the bottom are veteran of this project . He didn't like the sudden arrangement , Neither active nor cooperative , It's hard to work on . I finally brought some new people , Just got instructions from the leader , We should cut off all the newcomers . Brother Wang is very depressed in this career relationship . She wants to change the status quo , Think of quitting . But when he calmed down, he hesitated , He considered that he had to support his wife and children , in consideration of 30 It's hard to find a job in your teens , Considering whether there will be economic difficulties in the future . So brother Wang has not changed the status quo , And I haven't changed my mind , I still live in complaining and worrying everyday . Compared with the anxiety of looking for a new job after quitting , He is more willing to accept the dissatisfaction brought by the current situation . After all, people will subconsciously choose their familiar lifestyle , Because I'm used to everything in my familiar life , It also includes the bad things , Even those bad situations can be predicted in advance . So I will be prepared , And there can be familiar countermeasures . If you want to leave your familiar environment to face a new way of life , Then everything is unknown , No one is willing to embrace these challenges , So it takes a lot of courage to face the new environment . But if you are a person who is trying to overcome challenges , If you are a restless person , People who are struggling to climb another peak of life , You need to have the courage to choose to change . The curtain of life may open at any time , The key is to see whether you are willing to change or choose to avoid .    second , To separate objects . people Most troubles in the world come from interfering with other people's objects , Or one's own object is interfered by others . Learning to separate objects is the best medicine to solve interpersonal troubles . Object separation means to think clearly The final result of a certain choice is who will bear it . Separate the object of one's own life from that of others . At the same time, do not interfere with other people's objects , In fact, this is a transformation of thinking , Sum up in one sentence , It's who bothers who is responsible . Everyone should be responsible for what he is responsible for , There is no need to be responsible for what other people are responsible for . This is also an important concept in management . Do a good job in division of labor , for instance , Have you ever had a situation like this , You should report the plan to the boss , You are well prepared , There are also many highlights , But the boss is not satisfied . If you catch up with your boss and feel bad , He was furious , You may turn into a small counsellor in a second , be rendered speechless . Obviously, a good plan is to falter . But if we use the thought of object separation , The boss is in a bad mood because he is not satisfied with your plan , That's his mood. It's something the boss needs to solve by himself . Your task is to present your prepared content to the boss clearly and completely . When you know your boss and your own object , You can focus on your own expression and interpretation , Don't worry too much about the boss's mood . Think about what the boss thinks , Where is dissatisfaction , Whether his dissatisfaction is his misunderstanding ？ How should you explain the plan ？ Even if the boss is in a bad mood or misunderstands your plan , Even if he is not in the mood to listen now , You can also explain to him another time , There's no need to lose your mind because your boss is angry , Dare not say anything .    Just now we talked about the division of labor, which means that we should not carry the troubles of others onto ourselves , Another concept of division of labor is that Don't blame your troubles on others , That is to say, he is responsible for my pain , I am responsible for my pain . for instance , We sometimes cooperate with Party B , Because Party B is unreliable , This led to our project not progressing smoothly , We were scolded by our leaders . At this time, our thinking should not be because Party B is unreliable , So the project is not going well , It should be because I can't get Party B to make the project go smoothly . In this way, we will think about how to find a better way to cooperate with Party B ？ All in all , If you think all the pain is caused by the other person , Only they can be responsible for , Then you are trapped . If you want to change the status quo , We must understand that this is our own trouble , You need to find a way to solve it . Then your heart will become active , Extricate yourself from the dilemma of waiting for the other party to change , Regain the initiative . Feng Tang said , There are two important problems in life , One is none of my business , The other is none of your business , The flowers are rough and the management is not rough . Figure out these two problems , Do object separation , Can let us unload a lot of ideological baggage , Do what you are responsible for easily . meanwhile , We can also take initiatives to solve problems , Change the status quo , Make yourself better and better . From any angle , We all know the workplace 、 The initiative in interpersonal relationships such as family , Life will be easy and happy . quite a lot .

   Third , Construct a community . The object separation mentioned above , No longer seek recognition , Not afraid of being hated . It doesn't mean that we should be independent from the world , But we should build a sense of community that I can contribute to others . What is the sense of community ？ In fact, it means a sense of continuous contribution , family 、 School 、 Companies can be communities . In the family community , Your happiness comes from being needed by your family , In the company community, you can create value for the enterprise , Can also feel happiness . How to build a sense of community ？ Adler said the following three things need to be done , Self acceptance 、 Other trust and other contribution are three key words . Let's see one by one .    The first is self acceptance . I think you must feel like this , That is, when you are in front of others and when you are alone, you are in two completely different states . For example, I dare not speak at a meeting , Always worried about being laughed at if you don't speak well , I dare not joke in front of strangers . But the camera switches to when we are alone , Is it possible to free yourself without any burden . The reason behind the contrast between the two different states is that you can't accept your true self , Afraid to show your true self in front of others , But we can't discard , Nor can I change my container , So I must accept the imperfect thing that I can't replace , Accept the reality of this i . Then focus on the things that can change , Show the courage to change , This is self acceptance .    Let's look at the second key word , Does "other trust" mean trusting others ？ No, it isn't , Trust is not equal to credit , Credit is conditional . For example, we need to provide mortgage financial institutions to assess our repayment ability from bank loans , And lend to us . But Adler thinks , The foundation of interpersonal relationship is not credit , But trust , That is to believe without any conditions . Because if you dare not trust others , That won't build a deep relationship with anyone in the end . Betrayed , Sometimes it hurts . Compared with the pain of never having a friend , Which is better? ？ I don't need to say it . When we show trust in others , Take the courage of deep family relationship , The joy of relationships will increase , The joy of life will also increase . When we have achieved self acceptance , At the same time, he placed unconditional trust in others , At this time, others become partners . Think of others as partners , We can find our place in the community we belong to , That is to get a sense of belonging here .    Say the third key word , Others contribute , Contributing to the influence of others as partners is the contribution of others . But here's the thing , Adler said , The contribution of others is not self sacrifice , It's a way to realize your own value . For example, Elon Musk , I think it is a typical example of the contribution of others . Whatever it is spacex Or Tesla , In business, everyone likes to talk about . what's more spacex With Tesla , I didn't start with the slogan of making money , establish spacex Because he saw NASA There are no plans for humans to land on Mars , And I have a very strong desire for this plan , So I decided to set up a company to help people land on Mars . This company is called spacex , The reason for investing in Tesla is even simpler , Tesla is a company that has been particularly troubled in its development , This kind of trouble is understood as lack of funds . So Tesla's founder found Elon Musk , I talked with him about that the most carbon dioxide emission now is the fuel car , This release of carbon dioxide has seriously polluted our homes . Our company doesn't take fuel trucks , Only by electric car . Now I have a problem , There is no money , I hope you can invest in our company . Lomask listened to the plan , I was excited at that time . But this car just came out , No endurance , The car is expensive , Consumers don't pay , This requires constant investment . Musk had no choice but to keep putting in money , In the end, I invested almost all my money in it , Even on the verge of bankruptcy , Finally get through the difficulties .

   The happiest moment of man , Undoubtedly, it creates self-worth for the world and at the same time obtains corresponding income . Such a life should be one of happiness . These are the three key words for building a sense of community , Self acceptance, trust and contribution of others . The three of them are an indispensable whole . Just because I accept my true self , We can trust others without fear of betrayal . It is precisely because we give unconditional trust to others , And can regard others as their own partners , We can achieve the contribution of others . meanwhile , Because I have contributed to others , We can further realize that I am useful to others , And then accept who you really are , Be self receptive . The above two methods , The psychological side no longer seeks recognition , And not afraid of being hated , Choose to make a change in action , Learn to separate objects , To build a sense of community is to have the courage to be hated in the complicated daily trivial and complex interpersonal relationships , The secret of freedom and happiness . Speaking of this , The theme of the book "the courage to be hated" is almost over ,

summary ：

   First Adler thought , All troubles come from interpersonal relationships , It is not past experience that determines our current situation , It's the meaning we give to the experience . All your current situations are your own choices . Second, how to have the courage to be hated , Freedom and happiness , Changes need to be made at both the psychological and operational levels . Psychologically, you need to stop seeking recognition , And not afraid of being hated . In terms of action , First, choose to make a change , And learn to separate objects , Construct a sense of community . The social development is accelerating , All kinds of information garbage are overflowing 、 The age of poisonous chicken soup , The rapid development of society has far exceeded the physical evolution and ideological progress . Many people feel at a loss at this time . At this time we need to calm down , Keep going deep into your heart , Watch yourself , Know yourself , Think of yourself. . As an ordinary person, what do you really want to bring you real happiness .    secondly , There's a lot more to think about in the hated courage book . Some people say that to really understand Adler Psychology , Until you change your lifestyle , It takes half as long as you are . That is to say if 40 If you start learning at the age of ,60 Only at the age of . However, learning is a process no matter in the morning or in the evening , It needs continuous efforts . After all, from now on , The worst result would be a late start . Finally, I give you this sentence in the book , Each of us has its own special value and mission , You don't have to please anyone , But the courage to be hated . In the process of being hated , You may lose something , But you can get real freedom , Because you will pay more attention to the present moment and live in the present every day .