Promoted, colleagues become subordinates and don't cooperate with work

1. This will happen , It's not that the two roles of boss and subordinate conflict , It's the conflict between the two roles of best friend and colleague . In the workplace , The relationship between us is more like “ Comrades in arms ” Instead of “ friend ”. Although I will say “ girlfriends ” Call her by proxy , But I hope you understand , Even if it was better before , You must also be clear about the role boundary .
2. Before communicating with your best friend , I suggest you say hello to the leader first . My best friend has feelings about your promotion , The most likely reason is ： Ming Ming joined the group at the same time , Why didn't I get promoted ？—— It is more logical for the leader to explain this matter to her , Not you . You can say this to the leader ：“ About my promotion , Colleagues in the group may have some small emotions . At the moment, everything is normal , I can handle . But in case a colleague comes to you to explain , Please communicate ？” Say so , Even if my best friend doesn't come to the leader afterwards , Leaders will also consciously help you establish authority in front of the team .
3. Make a formal conversation with your best friend , The place must be in the company's conference room , Instead of a more casual place , For example, the company tea room 、 Restaurants etc. . Otherwise, it is easy to create an illusion for your best friend , I thought you were still communicating with her as a friend .
4. After entering the conference room , Try to sit diagonally opposite her , Not directly opposite , Otherwise, it will be as threatening as in an interview .
5. Don't call your best friend by nickname , You can use the following “ Nonviolent Communication ” The opening of the sentence pattern ：“ I noticed you recently XXX （ The uncooperative behavior you observe ）, It makes me uncomfortable （ Describe the negative feelings this brings to you ）, So I want to communicate with you .” After that , Wait for her reaction .
6. If she starts venting , Don't interrupt her , Let her vent patiently . When she calms down , You can ask “ Can I continue ”, Get a positive answer before continuing ; If she directly expresses her dissatisfaction that she has not been promoted , The core principle of your reply to her is “ Don't explain , Don't take a stand ”. The so-called clear sense of boundaries , Is to let the decision-maker , Explain your decision . You can tell her ：“ On this question , Leaders have the most right to answer , I suggest you ask him ”. Say so , She will also have a clearer sense of boundaries .
7. Next , You need to establish a new relationship with your best friend “ Comrades in arms ” Alliance , Get rid of the present opposition . You can tell her like this ：“ Whether as a leader , Or as a friend , I hope to see you succeed , More responsibility to support you . So , I hope you can cooperate with my work , Because only we can do things together , To stand in front of the leaders , I can also support you .” Express your needs first , Make another request . Most people hear this , Will put down their emotions , Use this well “ resources ”.
8. Last , You can tell your best friend gently “ The leader gave me a three-month assessment period , I'm under a lot of pressure ”. It's also invisible to put pressure on your best friend , She will adapt to the new role relationship as soon as possible .
9. During this adaptation period , Try not to go out and do what your girlfriends used to do , Like shopping 、 Drink , So as not to cause role confusion for her . meanwhile , We should entrust important tasks within her ability , Show your support and expectation for her . If your best friend does well , Be generous in front of leaders .
10 If the professional qualities of both sides are better , Within a month , You will gradually adapt to the new relationship , And can naturally switch between the two different situations of workplace and life . But if one side still cannot accept the reality , Or always pretend to be a victim , Then you must make up your mind , Terminate one of the relationships . Of course , At this time, it is unlikely to return to the old girlfriends —— A broken mirror is not round , spilled water cannot be gathered up . But if a person with “ friend ” The identity of , When you encounter problems, you only consider your own interests , This relationship can't help the test of time .